I have two very boring things to talk about this week.
Boring thing 1:
Today I was strolling through Bricklane with my chums and we happened upon a store that sold vintage apparel.
Chums, I said, let us enter this store and browse upon their wares – and hey hum ho, we did with gusto.
So taken was I, with the music that greeted my ears inside of the store, I went up to the shopkeep to enquire as to the name of this innovative, young artist.
“It’s Busta Rhymes,” she decreed.
Actually that’s not that embarrassing when I write it down, but it was at the time. That was such a bad story, it was like somebody explaining a dream they had about eating different kinds of rice.
But that does lead me into my next thing, which is SLEEP PODCASTS.
Sleep does not come to me easily. I think of sleep as sinking down into a big, black sea. Except my sea is super salty, like – I’m talking dead sea salty. I’m always floating just below the surface. Alcohol helps me sink a bit deeper, but this is not a great vice. So I decided to try my luck with a sleep podcast – little did I know I was about to stumble on to one of the most hilarious discoveries of my (2015) life.
The Sleep With Me podcast is just too good. Imagine having an senile stranger tell you about the time they made too many cups of tea for an hour. That’s the Sleep With Me podcast.
The voice belongs to Scooter, whose main passion in life, I can only assume, is the telling of mundane stories to millions of strangers. What must his life have been like to lead him to this point?
I like to imagine his struggles through life in montage form. Little Scooter putting his school fellows to sleep during Show and Tell, teenage Scooter lulling his date to slumber while sitting in a car up at make out point… what a blessing and a curse.
I love Scooter. I want to find him and marry him and have him lull me to sleep every night with tales about the time he purchased his friend a chocolate cupcake – but oh no, his friend doesn’t like chocolate cupcakes annndd…zzzzzz…
Needless to say that didn’t help me to sleep.
Some things that do help are music (most hypnagogic pop and things like Max Richter’s From Sleep), anything with Humphrey Bogart’s voice (the Big Sleep works best.. no pun intended) and once – Jeff Bridges’ Sleeping Tapes helped.
God, this is a boring blog. I’ve clearly listened far too much to my pal, Scooter. I’m stopping now and going to have some warm milk and honey.