Dear Sir/Madam (“Wayne how do you spell, ‘Madam…? I just really don’t want to write ‘Mad Man’ by accident.'”) I am a recent graduate from The University of Newcastle, majoring in English, Writing and Sociology. I realised this was a complete waste of three years when, A) People seemed confused and asked me if I was going on to do a teaching degree (I’m not) or a post-graduate course (I’m not.) B) I only found out how to spell the word tomorrow correctly last week. From my partner. Who was correcting my text message spelling and grammar after a day of texting back and forth. I have just recently moved to the area and I find the public transport to be like a horrible nightmare with Freddy Kruger, one you know you’re not waking up from. In fact, an excellent example of how I handle under pressure is seen when a bus driver that didn’t speak english yelled at me for five minutes when I asked him if the bus went to Rose Hill . I waited until the bus drove away, cried and called my Mum. You can expect a lot more of this if I am successful in obtaining the role. My specialty is making awkward jokes to people I don’t know very well and then cringing about it at 7am the next morning. I am also very good at making short stories very long stories, and of course, over sharing. Unfortunately not all of us are perfect, and I am no exception. One of my weaknesses, besides my ridiculously good looks, is my ability to small talk. I have attempted to learn this by watching my more experienced co-workers in action. I once saw a co-worker compliment a young man on the bunch of flowers he was carrying, exclaiming, “Someone’s a lucky lady!” Keeping that one up my sleeve, I saw the perfect opportunity to bring the ball into a play. An elderly man had entered my work place with a big bunch of flowers. It made me think of that Meme where that old couple are still in love even though they are very old, (Memes, especially those involving cats, are yet another important thing I have an extensive knowledge of). On approaching the old man I exclaimed, “Someone’s a lucky lady!” To which he replied, “Not really. She’s been in her grave for 16 years.” To save the situation I quickly walked away and hid out the back until he left. Another great example of my prowess and ability to turn any bad situation around for the better. I WOULD like to thank you for taking the time to read my CV and will be waiting to hear from you soon. Like, literally sitting with the phone in my hand and letting it consume my every waking hour until I hear back, either way. If I’m unsuccessful I will probably cry. Thanks again, Neely O’Hara. PLEASE NOTE: This is not actually my CV, but Neely’s.